“You look good….for having kids!” What?

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For some reason there are men who think it is complimentary to say “You look good…for having two kids.”  They make it sound like motherhood is a horribly disfiguring accident.  They use the same tone you might use with someone who has been in a car crash.  “Wow.  Your face went through the windshield?  You look good for dong that!”

Having kids doesn’t mean I can’t look good, it means I have to wear more elastic.  Things have shifted so thank God for spanx.  I love those body shapers even if they are made of elastic and hate.  The woman who created them is a billionaire.  Of course she is, because bacon and donuts are delcious!  Spanx are the sole reason I can ever fit in jeans.  After I had kids the waist line of jeans seemed to get lower and lower.  If I do find jeans with a higher waistline it’s always too high and end up with a ridiculous puffy area in the pelvic area.  There’s a crass nickname for it I learned- FUPA.  Fat Upper P&%*y Area.  Doesn’t even make sense, but I guess Fat Lower Abdomen Area isn’t as catchy.

Low riders look ridiculous on me and most women.  Chasing after children make them impossible.  Crouching down means showing the world your choice of undergarments.  Some are so low that I’m sure that’s why so many women have to invest in regular Brazilian waxes.  I struggle with the muffin top that spills over top of my jeans.  I hate that it’s called a muffin top.  Muffin tops are moist and delicious.  My belly is giggly and has to be cleansed well.

So there are days when I throw on what ever is clean and happens to fit.  I can’t sit in front of the mirror and meticulously apply the multitude of beauty products I have amassed over the years, but I do the one thing that adds a little color to my appearance.

I may not have time to work out for hours, schedule facials, get my hair colored or shop for the latest fashions but I always have time for lipstick.